"Do You Trust Me?"

"Do you trust me?",  God asked.  The question pierced my heart and dug deep into the recesses of my soul that I try to keep hidden.  I remember the question clearly, as if He asked yesterday and not the winter of last year.  I don't remember the exact date, I don't remember the sermon that had just been preached or who preached it, but I remember the encounter at the altar on that Sunday evening.

"Do I trust you?",  I contemplated.  "God,  I believe in you.  I have faith in you.  My hope is in you.  My trust is in you."

"But do you trust me?"

I guess I know a little how Peter must have felt when Jesus asked, "Do you love me?"  You can't sidestep questions from The One who knows your thoughts.  He already knows the answers; He is asking to see if you do.

"Lord, I want to trust you."  Do I get credit for that?  He says He will give us the desires of our hearts, so if I want to trust isn't that good enough?  Can't He just make me trust Him?

"Do you trust that everything I have planned for you is out of my love for you?  Do you trust me with your family?  With your finances?  With your hopes and dreams?"  God dug deep.  He wanted me to let go.  To quit trying to control (since I never could in the first place).

I remember the encounter.

I prayed, searched.  Why is it so hard?  Why am I afraid to trust the one who gave me life and loves me more than I can ever imagine?  Why am I afraid that if I say those words "I trust you",  it will be giving God permission to do things that will cause me pain?  As if that is what God wants?  As if He ever needed my permission to do anything if the first place?

I thought about things that had led me to be hesitant to trust God.  The lies I've believed.  Do I dare let go of my magical thinking that suggests that by not trusting God, I can some how control Him?

"God,  I want to be whole hearted in the way I live my life.  I want to be closer to you than I have ever been.  I want to live out your purpose for me."

God responds.  "You can.  But first, you have to trust me."

But Satan's lies have not been silenced.  "Look what happens to people who trust God.   Financial ruin. Rejection.  Sickness.  Death."  Those lies are familiar.  I have heard them frequently, and believed them more often than I care to admit.

I cry out, "God, people who trust you are often struck by tragedy.  They suffer losses.  They hurt.  I don't want any of that."

God responds.  "People who don't trust me are often struck by tragedy.  They suffer losses.  They hurt."

I stop to think.  Things happen because I live in an evil world.  Have I really believed that if I trust God He is going to send calamity my way?  Or do I believe that if I trust God that no matter what comes my way, He is there?  Empowering me, strengthening me, walking beside me, even carrying me.

On this night, I must make a decision.  It feels like an appointment with the divine.  There is spiritual ground to take.

"God, I trust you!  I trust that you are a good and loving God who works all things for my good.  I refuse to believe Satan's lies any longer.  I not only trust in you. I trust YOU."

I remember the encounter.

Trusting God.  What a difference it makes!  The Israelites didn't trust God, so they forfeited the right to enter the promised land.  But as the Psalmist David wrote, "Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord."  Trust gives peace, quietens the unrest that threatens my spirit.  Trust allowed Jesus to sleep when the boat was tossing and turning.  Trust allows me to rest when life feels like it is spinning out of control.

I am so thankful that He speaks to me.  In my spirit.  Through His word.  That He continues to change me to be more like Him.

I am thankful for the encounter.

"Lord, thank you for loving me enough to pierce my soul with your questions.  Thank you for not leaving me like I am."